The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
