This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
