Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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