so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
