Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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