is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude i'm inner monologue high
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
