i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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