dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
