No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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