i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
