Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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