Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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