Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
