How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
