How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i think i have two assholes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
