tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
