There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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