If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
