So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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