I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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