remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
