Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
