I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
