u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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