my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
