This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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