"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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