I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
