Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
