u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
