Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
