Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
