God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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