I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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