i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
