proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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