Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
ok first of all what the fuck
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
