Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
