Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
