Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
