It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
