Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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