That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
