i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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