It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize