We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
