i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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