I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
