Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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