i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
