the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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