no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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