dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
