It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
