I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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