Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
