i think my tv is drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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