We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize