My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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