i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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