His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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